Luck Be an Old Maid

It was a few weeks ago and I took a mini vacation to Atlantic City with my mom and aunt, it was at the very least short and my luck ran out very quickly at the casinos. Like some of the spiraling casino landmarks that are closing, I too felt bankrupt but with an once of hope that things would turn around.

We took a trip to get away from our usual routine which in a nutshell individually consisted of babysitting, backaches, and boredom of the sameness. So I was beyond excited to drive the about fifty minute drive to the small land of greed, hotels, and salt water. I needed the outing to be relaxed and literally not sweating small stuff. When we arrived at the shore I was immediately filled with pure happiness that we had arrived safely and that my mini vakay had begun.

Thinking of Season 5, episode 3 “Luck Be an Old Lady” of Sex and the City where Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte take an impromptu trip to Atlantic City to mix it up from their lives in Manhattan, I was struck by certain similarities in our trip. As with the girls as they traveled to Jersey to bounce back from “same York” as Samantha called it and to also celebrate Charlotte's 36^th or for her, “sticking it at 35.” My mother, aunt and I like the SATC crew were in search of a new view outside the dusty streets of Philly. And yes, while we have been to Atlantic City more times than I can count it was good to get away. However, my planned escape turned into a repetitive happening or happenings that I was NOT cool with.

Throughout our trip I was met with constant text messages from my sister who very much knew where I was and what I probably was doing. No matter to her she continued to send me random and usual messages that we delve into on a daily. But at that time and what I knew would be a short stay I didn't want to be bothered with non-vacation topics. An innocent mishap on her end but a bigger mistake on my part for even responding. I didn't want to not respond for she would only keep messaging me, even as my dry responses were, “Oh, wow.” She couldn't get the hint! But my lovely sister wasn't the only one for my mom and aunt were greeted with other outside stuff from home, phone calls, discussions of things they needed to take care of once they got back.

So like Carrie, while I was only ready to live it up, gamble, lay on the beach carefree, I was halted by those around me or not really. Like in the SATC episode Charlotte wanted to stay thirty-faux, Samantha wanted to watch Richard's every move, and Miranda just wanted to wear her stretchy pants, unwind and maybe catch up on sleep. It was as if the girls couldn't just let go and ENJOY their time away. I for one like Carrie who went to grab a saltwater taffy by herself, I ventured to the beach but in good company with a good friend who lives nearby. We stretched out to lay on the sand under the umbrella sun-kissed, and allowed the silence between us to signify our need for tranquility.

Once I stepped outside of my mom's bummer mood of not winning on the slots, and my aunt's phone calls from home, I was able to enjoy my beach day. Even with questions of, “Why gamble?” in my brain I still took the chance and tried to stick with my play to win attitude. I won nothing....at the slots that is because the trip made me wonder, why be down on your luck for borrowed stress? It is stress that does not belong to me or at least stress that I do not need to hinder me from having a great time. Love may be still making its way to finding me, even as I sometimes feel like an old yet young maid, I can work towards finding a happy feeling despite any disruptions.

We left Atlantic City with damn near pennies in our pants pockets, aching from a too hard hotel bed, and maybe some sand at the bottom of my beach bag. But we left still family, still grateful for the time away. And though we would be going back to our city with a few same routines and text messages, we made it back to live and love another day.   

-Lish, The BCB

Summer Saga: The Drought

Summer. It can be hot, steamy and full of adventure. Mine on the other hand has been yes hot but lacking on the adventure. Not a smidge or inkling of love in sight! Well at least not yet. I'm not a hopeless romantic or anything but I do believe in the idea of it and the good that can happen. Here in the city of Philly there's an array of men and depending on your type you just might run into him, I think. 

In my travels this summer while headed to work or running errands I've come across what I call "fantasy suitors." You know the ones that you see and don't know but you imagine how you could be with them. I mean I'm talking the nicely built construction man on Market Street in Center City, or the FedEx guy delivering a package next door to my house, heck even the man with a slight twinkle in his eye driving next to me at the traffic light that just turned red. I envision or wonder, "Is he the one?" 

Can't blame me for dreaming. Though in those situations I don't quite have the opportunity or guts to approach anyone. I sometimes think if I am in an environment where guys are THEN I'll meet someone. However this summer I haven't quite placed myself in many atmospheres where I could land a date. And none of these girlfriends I have are thinking to set me up with anyone. Hmmph. Typically I don't go for the blind dates but honestly I wouldn't care at this point!

Last summer felt different. The two dates I went on were quite random and not expected, AT ALL. But it was good to try out something new.

I could also point out that there aren't any guy havens per se where you'll definitely meet someone. True if you're in a sports bar on a big game day or at a gym yes you'll see tons of men. But that doesn't mean you'll actually meet him unless you're game to approach or he approaches you. In all honesty maybe there isn't a right or wrong place to meet a potential partner. 

I mean my parents met on a hot September day through my moms nephew (who's close to her age), my dad was riding shotgun in his car when he spotted my mom. Slightly drunk my dad asked her what her name was and she lied, telling him it was Barbara. Her name is Effie. A memory my family laughs at today whenever the story is told. It reminds me now that not every love story begins how you might imagine it or how it is in the movies. Every love story I feel should begin with a thought, "Are you the one for me?" Of course it doesn't always go that way but for me I am hopeful.

Whether or not some people think that way or perhaps thought that way when they ended up with their love I don't know, these are just my thoughts. Because as the summer air can be still and routine, I do not enjoy that when it comes to love or at least finding it. 

This drought I am in has expired, no longer welcome. I need to discover how to plant the seeds without desperation. In need of a loving rain to wash away the fears and dead end fantasies when I want something real.

Straight up no chaser, except wanting to be chased and pursued by a great guy(s). I am a young woman, I am human. But I have to wonder, is "the drought" just a summery figment of my already jagged imagination? 

Or maybe just maybe, I need love?

-Lish, The BCB