Summer in Philly this year, rainfall, scorching temperatures and dating droughts. Or is it just me thinking this way? I've spent this past summer learning to balance many aspects of my life but allowing myself to let my hair down, be spontaneous and not care. When the days got longer and more questions lingered I found ways to kick back and create a smile. The summertime can be an atmosphere of finding some lovin', being comfortable and content with the love you've found or being just as fine with not expecting much. I had no plans of how my summer land of dating would commence, and that probably was a good thing.
The first week of August 2013 prompted a few odd events to occur, odd for me anyway. All in a matter of a few days two guys were pursuing me and seemed to have a high interest in asking me out. Baffled at having much male attention let alone TWO people I was taken aback by all of it. How it began was with a friend request on Facebook, a guy whom I'll dub as Mr. Cocky, found me after years of not seeing each other. We passed by one another in the high school hallways casually saying "Hey" and "What's up" on occasion. I never saw much in him other than he was a bit of a freak and always seemed to have a pantie snatcher look in his eyes. He got them, though not mine. Mr. Cocky was cool peoples and that's all that I knew. High school was a strange enough place for me I hardly had the balls I mean gall to ask anyone out (though I did for prom), plus I wasn't interested in him anyway.
The friend request surprised me but I didn't think much on it other than, "Oh cool, I remember him." We had actually crossed paths while I was in college, he didn't attend my school but he worked in the dining hall for about a year. We continued the hello/goodbye treatment as we did in high school. He did on one occasion ask if he could visit me in my apartment at the time, I refused. He was an employee there and I wasn't about to get caught up with whatever his intentions were. Though his recent Facebook message to me to "hit him up" prompted me to see what the deal was, but not before days of thinking, "What do you want!" ran through my brain. I had almost said forget it and wasn't intending to contact him until a visit to my doctor encouraged me to do otherwise. She asked me what was I afraid of and exclaimed, "What's the worse that could happen?" Upon telling my mom she echoed the same words and added in her usual fashion, "Go ahead, get a drink out of him!"
During the session with my doctor she gave me a homework assignment to reach out to both Mr. Cocky and The Brit, who out of nowhere resurfaced just days before. As soon as I left the office I completed my homework, sent a text message to both guys. To my surprise (and a bit weirded out) BOTH responded within minutes. The Brit from Match.com and I have already surpassed the introductory questions so I didn't expect many inquiries from him. He elected (again) to come to visit me from Brooklyn, after two failed attempts to meet me in person. I said, "Ok" without getting too excited. His request for me to send him a recent picture of myself led me to despise technology for a second. After having my sister and friend assist me in the dual texting I had been engaged in with two different men led me to think about non-negotiables and monogamy. What are the deal breakers?
The Brit found it suitable to send me a photo of him and a little girl who appeared to be about three or four. The "WTF" look creeped on my face when my sister who was managing my phone at the moment handed me the foolery. His text with the photo, "I don't have a recent pic, but here's one with my niece." Yeah, exactly. I can only assume that him having the ability to even send me a picture message should also mean that he has a camera within his phone, no? I let that mishap go and didn't inquire further, le sigh. So I focused more of my attention on Mr. Cocky who began to ask me too many personal questions, things that I felt were none of his business. Like, "What's the freakiest thing I've ever done, how many people have I been with, do I like kissing?", and just randomness. Beyond his freakdom which felt very reminiscent of high school I agreed to go out on a date with him. My immediate thought: Research!
I sort of had a feeling that my attraction to him would be minimal and that I would treat the date as an experiment and nothing more. On a Friday evening I put on my best face, dressed in a floral-flirty ensemble that wasn't too busy or sexy. I just felt I wanted to be comfortable, more so in my regular attire. Mr. Cocky and I met up at Landmark, a bar/restaurant that was familiar to me and near my home, on purpose. I saw him in the distance outside of the place in a blue Polo short-sleeved shirt with denim jeans, nothing un-ordinary. I pretended to not see him and called him on my phone like I couldn't find him, cute and coy like I had planned. His departure from the train station reminded me of his reveal earlier that day on the phone that he didn't have a car nor a license and that he had no intentions of buying one at this time. We approached one another and shared a light hug. The date began on an awkward yet chill evening.
Our dinner conversation shifted between talking and "watching" the Eagles pre-season game on the flat screen television. I mostly initiated the convo, feeling icky about a too silent night. After too many mentions of his exes and frequent generalizations that "women are sneaky creatures" not only forced me to 'check-out' of the chat but also defend my gender and proclaim that I am NOT like the girls/chicks/bitches/hoes (his words not mine) that he has dealt with. I proceeded to caution him of grouping all women together and that it isn't fair. Mr. Cocky, who rightfully so deserves that name tried to sugar coat his meaning and that he wasn't meaning me but that it is the truth. We could not agree to disagree on those remarks so it was left alone, stale and un-tasteful. From his (in my eyes) trick questions of if I am materialistic, and if I would date someone who worked at McDonald's, led me to pull back and watch the Eagles lose instead. He and I shared a few laughs here and there, mostly me laughing at his ridiculous comments and trying to "help me" see what a good man is.
I was just about forced to gulp down my too minty mojito and somewhat enjoy my cheeseburger and garlic-parm french fries, I had to take in what he was dishing. The waitress and her eyes led me to believe that she knew that this was a first (maybe only) date. I tried to explain to Mr. Cocky my story of lacking trust in men and various fears that I had. I did my best as my friend insisted that I not reveal too much of myself, keep him guessing. Randomly during the night I got a phone call from, we'll call him "Rated R." It was so sudden for me, I almost didn't remember who he was. Here a guy I met this summer at a camp where I was a counelor was calling me to see if I wanted to grab a drink! I told him that I was currently out already but appreciated the offer. Rated R seemed to have a slight interest in me while at the camp but I brushed it off. I mean he is younger than me, college aged younger. But that's for another post! Check me out, three guys pursuing me, in one day, ha!
While on the date Mr. Cocky assured me that his past patterned ways of cheating on his exes (except the last one) was over and done with. I appreciated is candidness and his compliment of taking notice of me in high school and not conforming to the pressures of trying to fit in with certain crowds. Though his constant references of deeming me a "good girl" and "innocent" didn't sit well with me. Upon him paying for our bill and me leaving the tip (my decision), we left Landmark.
We chatted outside for a bit and I gave him a hug that wasn't attached or sensual at all. His response of my "fake hug" and patting him on the back was not a true hug. He tried to "show me" how to hug the right way but I refused as I saw where his hands were headed. I agreed to sit inside of my car and talk some more. We did just that, but he wanted more. After a few yawns on my part and ready to hit the sheets (my own) he was just about to get out, until he asked me for a kiss. I drew back at the request and frowned and shouted a big, NO! His rejected eyes prompted him to say, "Come on, we're grown." I explained to him a big duh, and that I knew that, but to me a kiss wasn't a first date move I wanted to make. I offered him a kiss on my cheek but he sucked his teeth in more rejection. I informed him that I had partially kissed or almost kissed a few frogs and that I wasn't much good at it. He insisted again to help "show me" how. I told him that I like tradition and he insisted that I realize this isn't "Dawson's Creek," and that he was much more like Pacey anyway. I was shocked that he watched the show as I did while a teenager. Like Pacey, he had bad boy tendencies.
In the name of research, wanting him out of my car and thinking why not kiss one more frog, I said fine! "A bad kisser is a non-negotiable" said by Samantha in Season 3, episode 5 rang out in my ears as we tried twice to make a lip to lip connection. Didn't happen. As Mr. Cocky gnawed at face, darting his tongue strangely, I had enough. Informing him again that kissing didn't seem right, when it wasn't right. I don't know that he was a giant BAD KISSER, but I do know the kiss was not good. Probably because the romance wasn't shared and I didn't want to kiss him anyway. In the name of research for this post I said, "What the hell!" We said our adieus for the night. As he exited my car so did my earlier thoughts of giving him another shot.
I just didn't feel a genuine attraction and I wanted more, more of something else. A goal-oriented man who isn't just content with the way things are. Mr. Cocky isn't a horrible person, he actually is a nice guy. Just not the guy for me. Who knows what The Brit might bring to the table, I'm not pressed. Til then I'll just try on a few more potentials and await the (hoping soon) arrival of my prince. Full of charm and enough stamina and charisma that sweeps me clear off of my summer sandal wearing feet. I believe in monogamy and having someone stand firmly beside me.
*Lish, The BCB
