Though the "perfect man" in my eyes doesn't exist, I feel the man for me does. The past summer of 2013 I wouldn't necessarily say I was “looking” for love, but I wasn't opposed to getting a taste of some either. I went out with two guys, two TOTALLY different personalities and vendettas. I knew very early on that things wouldn't play out with either of them. My heart just, knew. Both men troubled and bugged men in various ways and I wasn't really intrigued. I didn't feel that oomph or those butterflies characters talk about in movies. No za-za-zu! Though I will say “The Brit” was very much good...on paper. But that was as far as it went.
The “Good on paper guy” is a fine recipe of a man that has the many ingredients and sentiments most women are looking for. He looks, or appears to look like this: He has a great job, reeling in money, not a player, loves his parents, educated and basically has much of his life planned out until he retires. Sound like a catch? Umm, yeah of course. But I kept waiting for more of “The Brit's” special qualities leap from the paper and into my heart.
This
is what “The Brit” turned out to be, or at least this was all he
allowed me to discover. Upon him messaging me on Match.com some time
in March of 2013 I was excited after reading his profile. I had
joined the site with the hopes of finding a “match” or something
close to it. “The Brit” and I soon began to exchange text
messages and a few phone calls here and there, leading me to believe
he had something to offer. But you see he was very dry and too
serious in our conversations, it was like he was too afraid or
uptight to let loose and have fun. In some ways we shared that
approach however I can let my hair down, and I can be a great person
to be around. I am no
party pooper. I can be quiet and laid-back but not boring. “The
Brit” BORED me. I would crack a joke, and nothing from him. No
“ba-da-ba” from my imaginary drummer like the ones you might see
at a comedy show. I'm not saying I am comedy queen or can tell a good
joke at a cocktail party, but I'd like to think of myself as being
able to make others laugh. I wanted things to move forward with him
but I also didn't want to force it.
After
a few attempts to finally meet face to face since the beginning of
our virtual tryst in March, we finally met in August. His job
required him to travel often and every few weeks he'd disappear then
contact me and say, “Oh I was in London visiting family,” or “I'm
in North Carolina for a conference.” That part excited me, I love
traveling and I thought that made a “match” I was willing to
pursue. But he wasn't as thrilled about the traveling. He saw his job
travels as business and hardly any pleasure. I could see how that
might be, always on the go, different hotels and airports. It was
like he wouldn't let people in.
When
we met at 30th
street station he was coming from New York where he lives. He
couldn't stay long because he had to catch a bus later that day to
D.C. In our short time spent together he solidified lots for me. It
was his comment about valuing his dad's opinion of his relationships
with women so much that if his dad didn't like a woman then more than
likely she wasn't the best pick for him. I inquired about this
further asking him, “What if you really
like someone but your father doesn't, would you just move on to the
next person?” I remember him saying, “Not necessarily,” (in a
very not so convincing voice). He added that he really valued what
his father thinks. I had to let that statement marinate in my brain a
bit.
It's
not like my parents aren't the same in a sense, wanting the best for
me, but I don't think they'd every try to control who
I dated or loved. Of course if they felt iffy about someone I would
listen and consider their concern. “The Brit” made it seem like
his father's word was the end of it.
This
reveal from him didn't make me think RUN, but it did make me wonder
if “The Brit” could fall in love without his father's approval.
It was another conversation on our “simu-date” that bugged me.
I say “simu-date” because it really wasn't a full on date. I mean
we met at a train station where thousands of people are traveling and
roaming about. We had ice-cream at Ben & Jerry's, he bought me my
favorite cookies 'n cream and he opted for orange juice. He coyly
told me in his lightly British/African accent that he, “had a big
breakfast.” Now, my thing was he was the one that said we could
grab lunch when he arrived but it turned into a “big breakfast.”
In my
summery floral shirt and my hair up high in a braided bun I felt
breezy and cute. In time that sunshine on that day turned into an
overcast. At first he didn't really care to sit down anywhere but if
I wanted to we could. Ok, one slight check mark for letting me
choose. And I definitely wasn't about to let him get off scot-free
without him buying me something. HELLO it was a “simu-date,” that
requires a purchase to be made on his behalf. Hehe, I'm crazy I know.
He may not have received the memo. So I settled on us sitting down at
Ben & Jerry's.
While
at the counter I reached for my purse as if to pull out my wallet.
Though on a “simu-date” ladies, never expect them to pay. “The
Brit” said something like, “No worries, I got it.” I thought
the gesture was nice but I also thought, “Damn, am I a cheap
date?!” Granted he would only be in the city for a few hours but I
half expected him to at least be somewhat hungry so that I wasn't the
only one stuffing my face. As I spooned a nice chunk of my ice-cream
“The Brit” told me about his last girlfriend's charade upon
meeting his parents.
Though
it didn't sound like a charade to me, more like a “I know that's
right!” kind of moment. I hid my emotions inside after his story.
He said that he suggested to his then girlfriend to wear something
“modest.” I guess she thought how dare he tell/suggest what she
should wear number one, and number two was she even the type to dress
risqué? I had asked him the second question and he said no. He said
that he wanted her to look good in front of his folks. Ok, cool but
not?
So
per “The Brit” his then girlfriend trotted down the stairs at his
place wearing a revealing dress while I guess he and the parents
looked on in disbelief. Makes for a good movie scene, right? Haha,
anywho his father did not approve. He said they argued about what she
had done and he faulted her for the little stunt. “The Brit”
claimed to me that he just wanted her to dress the part just the one
time and that her little outfit should be “reserved” for him
only. Hmm.
The
icing on the already melted cake plus my ice-cream that I damn near
forced myself to finish he says, “I don't like when women are too
independent.” (Insert his ba-da-ba drum joke), which never
happened. As I explained my offense to his remark as an independent
woman he didn't understand my bulging eyes or objection.
The
“simu-date” ended with a “never again” hug and he went about
to catch his bus. It was a combo of things irked me about “The
Brit.” His lack of enthusiasm about parties, taking the wallflower
bit too far, him not understanding why I thought he'd be a cool
friend, the questions of me visiting him in Brooklyn when I told him
I'd consider, his final text message which told me “I was right,”
and no true interest that I could see in trying to lighten up.
He didn't seem like a dreadful or horrible guy to be friends with, but I saw no connection romantically. I had to follow my gut for once. I guess he didn't want to try out being friends. He knew what he wanted and so did I. But he didn't fight hard for me either. I never said don't contact me again but he soon faded into the land of potentially almost dating. Welp, can't help I want more than a guy that's good on paper. I need a guy that's good on making my heart swoon.
*Lish, The BCB
