Matchmakers and Man-friends

But you've gotta find the match first!

Ok, so I am officially off of Match.com. The shorter end of the really not so long story is that I couldn't afford it. After three months of half hunting and not feeling the "matches" I could not afford the new monthly payment and I could not afford the shear dimness of the men presented to me. It was like trying to find a really cute blouse you bought long ago in your closet, you know it's there but you can't seem to locate it. My blouse or really cute potential mate was no where to be found.

When I called the customer service number for Match the representative hit me with a ton of questions as to why I was essentially backing out from finding love. Contrary to his assumptions I had good reason why I had to cancel my membership. "I am so sorry you haven't been satisfied with our service mam," the young sounding rep told me. I informed him I wasn't so much unsatisfied with the service as I was with the daily match emails that showed me no one that even halfway interested me. I mean the emails were displaying men way out in the backwoods of Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Not that I have anything against those places, but I thought the men would be more local to where I am. And the real kicker, when I would venture to the "matches" profiles as I scrolled to see what sort of woman interested them I'd mostly see: "White/Caucasian." Now, when I completed my profile I entered that my interests were in a variety of men but the daily matches emails kept showing me White males as potential matches, matches that had no interest in dating Black women. ?? Exactly.

What I think happened with those selections of men were the similarities of our interests. I noticed with some of the men presented to me are dog lovers like myself, or love sports, or that we shared the same astrological sign. But for the most part these men wanted women from other ethnicity's, and that's fine. But I wasn't paying to play a guessing game with Match.com or "wink" at someone or email a guy with no response. It was just a blah process for me. Though maybe I didn't put too much effort into it. I was however looking forward to the "stir events" that happen every so often in the city. The mingle events weren't so much like speed dating but more like a mixer and just chit chat. One event I wanted to go to was cancelled, then by the next go round I had to cancel my membership. And the stir events aren't free, so that made my eyes bulge a bit but I was willing to pay $15-$35 (depending on the event) to see what's up.

I managed to start up a small, and I mean small exchange with a British/African guy living in Brooklyn, NY. Yeah, quite a combination, and that interested me! But things with "The Brit" whom I began a very stiff and mild flirtation with via Match to texting, to an occasional phone call went nowhere. After one attempt of trying to meet, the chemistry did not improve. I felt he was boring and he couldn't get past asking me a million times through texting what I was doing on any given day, or inquiring when I was coming to Brooklyn, where he lives. I told him I would not be trekking to BK alone to meet him, he'd have to come to my city. He at first was cool with it but his conversation continued to be dry. I'd make a joke, nada. I kinda wanted to just hurry up and meet him in person just to see how our chemistry would be, but if the small talk was dryer than day old bread on the phone, what would it be like in person?

At this point, I don't know. I will say that The Brit seemed more lively on the phone than as a texter. And not everybody is a texting aficionado like myself! I was willing to look past that. He informed me during one phone call that he hadn't been having much luck with women. He said that he has been on a few dates lately but I guess there was a two date minimum because per his disclosure, it never went beyond that. I made a cute joke saying, "What's WRONG with you? Do you have a third eye or something!?" Insert laughter. That didn't happen. The Brit also disclosed that his sisters have been trying to set him up and that he needs to find someone, soon. We were on the same page as far as knowing many friends and people that are getting married. I guess it's the thing in my generation nowadays. Big whoop! (Secretly wanting to be in their shoes). But I haven't found him yet. Whoever and where ever he is. I felt that The Brit and I had a slight potential chance to hang out and see where any chemistry would go. Though the matchmaker gods did not see it that way.

A clear answer for me, his text one day, "Do you just want to be friends? I guess if I don't contact you, you won't reach out to me." Welp. In my mind I'm thinking whoa buddy, chill. But as I informed him, I haven't been quite accustomed to flirting and calling men, twirling my hair around my fingers and making my eyes twinkle. So I asked that he kinda work with me as I muster up more courage to put myself out there. It's been almost a week and I haven't heard anything else from him. Another clear answer.

Would it be too much to ask to meet a guy the old fashioned way? Whatever that is. Or at least get set up by friends, meet him at the post office or something, I don't know! But I don't get a good feeling that online dating is for me. So how do you meet the guys then girl? Right, how? I'd like to hit the town this weekend, get dolled up and crash a party or something. Not something that would actually happen of course. I'm not that brazen and who's party would I be crashing? Again, exactly. Silly me. BUT something has GOT to give soon. I'm 26, available, very available and I'm just ready to have fun, date, get a number, throw a drink in a guy's face, date again, get more numbers, meet a guy, gossip to friends about him, do it all over again. Whatever I have to do to find him and just be, happy.

At the end of yet another failed quest for love, I have to wonder, when is it gonna be my time?

-Lish, the BCB

Dating in the City

Here-I-go. I've told myself time after time, "Get out there, put yourself on the market." Trouble is, I'm not sure how and how I should present myself in order to be noticed and not shelved like usual. Dating isn't the hardest thing to do but it isn't the easiest. 

Operation "Find Me A Man" has been in effect for awhile now. Somebody's always asking but nobody's really offering. Friends don't hook me up and I've run out of long lost loves to locate. Nowadays young people in my generation are getting married and settling down with babies upon babies. But I'm not there yet. Not because I'm an odd ball that men shy away from, but because I've had a hard time learning to be the seeker. Some say "don't look or wait on him" because it won't happen. Confusing. Well guess what I'm looking but I'm not a damsel that's distressed and desperate. I'm just ready.

But yesterday a strange tide turned. A guy I began a mild flirtation with back in March via Match.com has reappeared, texting me out of the blue. I hadn't expected that. I'd just about forgotten him. A British-African man living in Brooklyn whom I'll call "Sir London Bridge" has re-discovered me and seems to have an interest in getting to know me. He explained his month long absence as a busy work schedule and traveling to London to see his family. His job requires a lot of travel so it seems he's often on the road somewhere. 

I'll admit he did send me a text back in April and I purposely ignored it. So him vanishing for a month probably had a little to do with my lack of interest at the time. I was just really in a weird place when we began chatting, Daddy issues, still not trusting men, I didn't know how to react to his continued pursuit toward me.

And today, as I yearn to be filled up with love, meeting someone new and seeing where it goes, I have to wonder. What's the harm in trying?

-Lish the BCB