Start spreading the new!

The Black Carrie Bradshaw will continue on a whole new website! I am excited that I have put together a website called Labels, Love, and Living. The site will be packed with three of many of my interests as a writer.

I will post content related to fashion (Labels). Posts relating to my dating life continuing from the Black Carrie Bradshaw (Love). And lastly, building from my blog Hello Healthy Heart the (Living) section will touch on lifestyle and being health conscious whether mentally or nutrition wise.

Follow the fun topics and conversation at labelsloveandliving.wordpress.com!

-Lish

:-)

Luck Be an Old Maid

It was a few weeks ago and I took a mini vacation to Atlantic City with my mom and aunt, it was at the very least short and my luck ran out very quickly at the casinos. Like some of the spiraling casino landmarks that are closing, I too felt bankrupt but with an once of hope that things would turn around.

We took a trip to get away from our usual routine which in a nutshell individually consisted of babysitting, backaches, and boredom of the sameness. So I was beyond excited to drive the about fifty minute drive to the small land of greed, hotels, and salt water. I needed the outing to be relaxed and literally not sweating small stuff. When we arrived at the shore I was immediately filled with pure happiness that we had arrived safely and that my mini vakay had begun.

Thinking of Season 5, episode 3 “Luck Be an Old Lady” of Sex and the City where Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte take an impromptu trip to Atlantic City to mix it up from their lives in Manhattan, I was struck by certain similarities in our trip. As with the girls as they traveled to Jersey to bounce back from “same York” as Samantha called it and to also celebrate Charlotte's 36^th or for her, “sticking it at 35.” My mother, aunt and I like the SATC crew were in search of a new view outside the dusty streets of Philly. And yes, while we have been to Atlantic City more times than I can count it was good to get away. However, my planned escape turned into a repetitive happening or happenings that I was NOT cool with.

Throughout our trip I was met with constant text messages from my sister who very much knew where I was and what I probably was doing. No matter to her she continued to send me random and usual messages that we delve into on a daily. But at that time and what I knew would be a short stay I didn't want to be bothered with non-vacation topics. An innocent mishap on her end but a bigger mistake on my part for even responding. I didn't want to not respond for she would only keep messaging me, even as my dry responses were, “Oh, wow.” She couldn't get the hint! But my lovely sister wasn't the only one for my mom and aunt were greeted with other outside stuff from home, phone calls, discussions of things they needed to take care of once they got back.

So like Carrie, while I was only ready to live it up, gamble, lay on the beach carefree, I was halted by those around me or not really. Like in the SATC episode Charlotte wanted to stay thirty-faux, Samantha wanted to watch Richard's every move, and Miranda just wanted to wear her stretchy pants, unwind and maybe catch up on sleep. It was as if the girls couldn't just let go and ENJOY their time away. I for one like Carrie who went to grab a saltwater taffy by herself, I ventured to the beach but in good company with a good friend who lives nearby. We stretched out to lay on the sand under the umbrella sun-kissed, and allowed the silence between us to signify our need for tranquility.

Once I stepped outside of my mom's bummer mood of not winning on the slots, and my aunt's phone calls from home, I was able to enjoy my beach day. Even with questions of, “Why gamble?” in my brain I still took the chance and tried to stick with my play to win attitude. I won nothing....at the slots that is because the trip made me wonder, why be down on your luck for borrowed stress? It is stress that does not belong to me or at least stress that I do not need to hinder me from having a great time. Love may be still making its way to finding me, even as I sometimes feel like an old yet young maid, I can work towards finding a happy feeling despite any disruptions.

We left Atlantic City with damn near pennies in our pants pockets, aching from a too hard hotel bed, and maybe some sand at the bottom of my beach bag. But we left still family, still grateful for the time away. And though we would be going back to our city with a few same routines and text messages, we made it back to live and love another day.   

-Lish, The BCB

Summer Saga: The Drought

Summer. It can be hot, steamy and full of adventure. Mine on the other hand has been yes hot but lacking on the adventure. Not a smidge or inkling of love in sight! Well at least not yet. I'm not a hopeless romantic or anything but I do believe in the idea of it and the good that can happen. Here in the city of Philly there's an array of men and depending on your type you just might run into him, I think. 

In my travels this summer while headed to work or running errands I've come across what I call "fantasy suitors." You know the ones that you see and don't know but you imagine how you could be with them. I mean I'm talking the nicely built construction man on Market Street in Center City, or the FedEx guy delivering a package next door to my house, heck even the man with a slight twinkle in his eye driving next to me at the traffic light that just turned red. I envision or wonder, "Is he the one?" 

Can't blame me for dreaming. Though in those situations I don't quite have the opportunity or guts to approach anyone. I sometimes think if I am in an environment where guys are THEN I'll meet someone. However this summer I haven't quite placed myself in many atmospheres where I could land a date. And none of these girlfriends I have are thinking to set me up with anyone. Hmmph. Typically I don't go for the blind dates but honestly I wouldn't care at this point!

Last summer felt different. The two dates I went on were quite random and not expected, AT ALL. But it was good to try out something new.

I could also point out that there aren't any guy havens per se where you'll definitely meet someone. True if you're in a sports bar on a big game day or at a gym yes you'll see tons of men. But that doesn't mean you'll actually meet him unless you're game to approach or he approaches you. In all honesty maybe there isn't a right or wrong place to meet a potential partner. 

I mean my parents met on a hot September day through my moms nephew (who's close to her age), my dad was riding shotgun in his car when he spotted my mom. Slightly drunk my dad asked her what her name was and she lied, telling him it was Barbara. Her name is Effie. A memory my family laughs at today whenever the story is told. It reminds me now that not every love story begins how you might imagine it or how it is in the movies. Every love story I feel should begin with a thought, "Are you the one for me?" Of course it doesn't always go that way but for me I am hopeful.

Whether or not some people think that way or perhaps thought that way when they ended up with their love I don't know, these are just my thoughts. Because as the summer air can be still and routine, I do not enjoy that when it comes to love or at least finding it. 

This drought I am in has expired, no longer welcome. I need to discover how to plant the seeds without desperation. In need of a loving rain to wash away the fears and dead end fantasies when I want something real.

Straight up no chaser, except wanting to be chased and pursued by a great guy(s). I am a young woman, I am human. But I have to wonder, is "the drought" just a summery figment of my already jagged imagination? 

Or maybe just maybe, I need love?

-Lish, The BCB 

Love me "Tinder?"

Today I downloaded the app Tinder, a new-age way of meeting people which per the app description reads, "Helps in finding out who likes you nearby and connects you with them." While visiting a friend of mine in the Bronx last month she told me about the app and how she actually met her boyfriend through Tinder. I didn't immediately look into signing up or downloading, I put it on the back burner and continued on not thinking much about it. But then maybe two weeks ago I thought about the app and decided I'd give it try.

That try came today as I didn't have much going so I pressed the icon to download and within under a minute the app was ready to be opened. Upon loading the app it prompts me to login through Facebook which I didn't prefer to do but I also didn't see an option to use an email. No matter, I log-in and immediately I am tossed into a virtual frenzy of profiles of men. Come to think of it, I wasn't prompted to select any preferences either. It's like Tinder just assumed what I like. What if I preferred women, or men with tatoos only? The second one I wouldn't mind but I wasn't given an option to choose.

The arena of single men was slim pickings. I swiped pass signaling the "Nope" stamp to appear on the screen for the men I wasn't interested in. That probably happened for about 25 guys because NONE of them stood out to me. I mean there were guys as young as 18 being shown to me. I'm not interested in 18 year olds Tinder! I keep thinking, "Did I miss something?" because I don't recall seeing an icon to set my preferences.

The other thing I didn't like about the app was my profile picture. Since I logged on through Facebook it instantly put up my current Facebook picture and the last two that I've had. I tried to add my own choice for a min pic but no dice. 

Midway through my "not gonna happen...ever" swipes past these rather I'll say interesting men I did come across ONE potential suitor. I believe he was 30 years old, his bio was witty and not some wack pick-up line. A plus was that he's a writer like me. I pressed that heart shaped icon to "connect" with him. I chose not to message him directly partly because it was late last night and I was already dozing. I didn't want to make a mistake and say something crazy or with a message that looked like:

"Hey, how are you I'm Elishiaaaaaaaa zzzzz wtf ggkkooflp."

Trust me I've done it before in texting, dozed off with my finger still pressing the last 'l' of "lol."

Well, I guess I'll have to do what I can to try out the Tinder app. Who knows something good could come from it. I certainly am not new to online dating. Or in this case on my phone. 

*Sighs* Dating.

Lish, The BCB

 

The Black Carrie Bradshaw: The Catch

The Black Carrie Bradshaw: The Catch: What's a girl to do when she struggles with her reality and someone else's? Let me set this up for you. It all started two days ag...

The Catch

What's a girl to do when she struggles with her reality and someone else's? Let me set this up for you. It all started two days ago when having a catch up date with my friend who I'll call J.R. We began talking about relationships as I mentioned not wanting to become an "Old Maid." He informed me in his colorful to the point personality that I am still young and have plenty time to find love. And it isn't that I disagree with him but I have felt pressures that I need to get on the good foot and snatch up a man! "Pressure from who?" J.R. asked. "Society, the world!" I said. "Pressure from who?" J.R. asked again. Seeing where that debate was headed I digressed and we continued our chat. J.R. expressed that I shouldn't feel pressure to be like anyone else and yes, I agree.

J.R. went on to describe a hilarious analogy that I hadn't heard before. In his funny full of many flavors jargon he described my lovers lane envy like this, in a nutshell:

"Think about it like this, girl. You get to an amusement park, I don't know which one, any of them and you're wanting to do what everybody else is doing. So you eat the cotton candy like everyone else, you walk all around the amusement park laughing and enjoying the time. Then like everyone else you see they go to play the games and begin winning prizes and stuffed animals. So you want one too. You play the game AND win! Next everyone else you see wants to ride on the roller coaster but you then realize you can't bring that big ass stuffed animal on the ride. Now what do you do? You wanted what everyone else had, now you got it."

Yes, J.R. is quite a character in person and he can indulge and exaggerate a bit but I could see in some ways what he meant! Now, I am not one to necessarily "follow" anyone, I've always been pretty independent. But in human-like fashion if there's something that someone else has and I think it's really cool or nice to have, I might want it. I don't quite know if J.R. was saying, "don't waste your time," or was he saying "there are accommodations one has to make in getting on a roller coaster, oh I mean a relationship? I assume the latter, and I didn't ask further, I merely laughed at such a detailed description. You'd had to have witnessed him saying it to get the full effect because he went on for at LEAST five minutes. :-)

But when it comes to relationships or wanting to be in one, what are the deal breakers? Do I need to make accommodations or do I get on the roller coaster and enjoy the ride? There's always a "catch" to something, right? Though I'm not really concerned about all of that. What I do know is I have to somehow get myself in the "game" of love. Not necessarily hitting the club or anything over the top but just planting myself in the path of a one of a kind joy ride. But, maybe I don't need to do too much and just....chill. Let this (my) journey continue to unfold on its own, shuffle the deck of cards and just....deal.

I just have to trust and have faith. And I have to wonder, is that "the catch?"

-Lish, The BCB

Table for one

So like, Valentine's Day is this Friday the 14th. Big whoop. No just kidding I am not MAD or bitter about the day of love fiends, commercials reminding me of the day, stuffed animals crowding the aisles at Rite Aid, chocolate that screams "BE MINE!" when I have no significant other to give it to, nope I'm not bitter about it! But seriously I am not really mad per se just a little, blah. I mean it's the media that gets you worked up and overwhelmed like you SHOULD or OUGHT to be celebrating. This year I'm really more pressed about other things versus one single (being the operative word) Valentine's Day that makes me feel like an alien. And come to think of it everyday should be filled with it, love. Yes I know it's a special kind of day that is celebrated by many yearly so I guess it's cool. The little baby sporting angel wings in a diaper: Cupid, will on the 14th be hitting a few with his arrow for those getting married, new lovers, some reuniting together again. Proposals will be made and possibly a baby, who knows!

The only issue about this particular Valentine's Day I have that makes me give a side eye is the single discrimination I feel. I have made it a point this week to steer clear of social media to avoid the statuses or photos of what roses someone got or a teddy bear delivered to them at work. It's not that I necessarily envy those people nor am I "hating," but it might feel a bit too in my face or like I'm left out of some V.I.P club. I mean if I decided to go to my favorite bar or perhaps wanted a nice dinner out to myself, would I be gawked at like I'm spinning plates or something?

Probably. In fact I went out alone about three years ago to Olive Garden after a day out downtown shopping. I was asked on more than one occasion if I was by myself as if it were foreign or against the law. But there's no room for a singles date night out on Valentine's Day, is there? I mean the tables will be booked even the bar. "Table for one!" I'll say to the host and the gawking will begin. Who cares you're thinking right? True, it shouldn't matter if I were to go alone it's on me, the check, tip and all. I won't have to suffer at that awkward moment for who's paying the bill if it were a first date. *sighs* Date. I haven't been on one since last summer of 2013. Alright, you can stop gasping now or making the big eyes, I get it!

But the more I think about this upcoming Valentine's Day a few days away I have to wonder, where IS the love? At one point I was searching for it, then the search got delayed, began again, then I feel like I just forgot what I was even looking for, and here I am. I keep thinking, "Is it a new relationship with someone that I need?" I mean I don't even know what void I am trying to fill. Of course some days I feel like something is missing in my life. It can vary between wanting a fresh and new career, wanting to go shopping for a new look, or to the burning questions of where my greatest love is. Am I missing something?

Maybe, just maybe the missing link is ME and believing in what I can do, all of my capabilities, not second guessing. I have to love me a bit more, love me and all of my worth, not worried if the next crush feels the same way or if anyone is taking notice in me. Sometimes I do feel hidden but I know I have every reason to be seen. Like an on and off relationship I feel complicated. Though a love for myself doesn't have to be. I am special, I am full with love to give and receive, reciprocal loving. Always.

"Table for one?" Yup, sometimes you have to sit alone and figure stuff out before you invite others to join you.

*Lish
The BCB